Lacking Connection? Me too.

Hello beautiful people! How are you all holding up? This is so hard. I personally have been struggling in a few ways. I feel bad saying that, because I have so so much to be grateful for and our whole world is struggling. I could have told you on day one that this was going to be hard. But it is far harder than I ever imagined. I am just now coming into enough stillness and clarity to really understand why at least for me, it has been such a challenge. I have so much right now. I am healthy and my family is healthy. We have a stocked fridge, access to the internet, a place to call home with heat and beds. I have the ability to continue to learn remotely, I have family, friends, teammates, and classmates that have continued to make efforts to make me feel loved and connected. For those things and more importantly to those humans, I am so grateful for you. There is nothing more that I want right now than to hug you, squeeze you, and love you. But we can’t. And I actually think for the first time in my life as a result of all of this I am feeling heartbreak. Yesterday I quite literally felt pain in the middle of my chest.

Usually when we discuss heartbreak it is in a romantic sense. In that aspect of my life I guess you could say I am a bit heartbroken as well. But I also feel it for almost everything in my life that I have love for. I am heartbroken I can’t be with my Gammy, that I can’t row with my teammates, that I can’t share my dorm room, pretzels, and bed time thoughts with my roommate Michelle, that I can’t laugh in person with my best friends, that I can’t end my freshman year at BC, that I can’t go out to coffee with my mom, that I can’t snuggle with those I am closest with and go on walks or drives with those who get my thoughtful juices flowing.

Last night I was watching The Longest Ride, probably one of the most beautifully done Nicholas Sparks inspired movies, you have to watch it if you have not seen it. It is a must see and one of my all time favorites! Much of the Longest Ride is based on these letters Ira Levinson wrote to his beloved Ruth. They are beautifully written love letters. I couldn’t help but watch and wish that I could have that. And then it kind of dawned on me, maybe I could.

A week ago I was talking with my neighbor who is also one of my best friends. She is in a beautiful and loving marriage with one of my other best friends. The age difference between her husband and myself is 60 years, but friendship doesn’t have an age range. The relationships the Tuckers have with their family, their friends, and with each other are so filled with love and joy, I can’t help but aspire to create that for myself. Anyway, I was telling her about college, my blog and of course my favorite topic to read, talk, write and learn about…love. I told her about how I wrote a blog post titled Love Letter to my Crush and I was saying how powerful and beautiful it both is and feels to share with people you admire or are fond of, that you feel that way. I think I felt equally if not more joy from sharing my thoughts and feelings in that letter than the boy for whom I wrote it to felt. And I am just guessing, he probably felt at least a bit of joy.

She expressed to me she was eager to read it, and then shared with me that her husband, my other best friend, and her wrote letters to each other, which eventually turned into love letters, for an entire year before they even went on a date or even held hands. They got to know each others souls, thoughts, and feelings before anything else. “A year is a long time, how’d you wait so long?” I asked. I can’t remember exactly what she said, but it was something along the lines of “It definitely required patience, but unlike the world of a college student, we had a lot of time.” There was less of a rush because the letters themselves were special, exciting, and beautiful. I want something like that so badly, but for the longest time I didn’t feel I had the time for such a time consuming activity. But now I have the time, but forget the time, now more than ever, with all the distractions aside, yes literally ALL THE DISTRACTIONS, I am realizing I seek that kind of soulful connection and for me, with the right people it is and most definitely will be worth the time. Not only in a romantic sense, but with friends and quite honestly with myself.

Yesterday in my blog post titled Quarantine Favorites I mentioned this website called FutureMe. What made me even remember I used FutureMe was I received a long letter from myself yesterday that I wrote a year prior on April 12th 2019. We too can write letters that deepen and strengthen the relationship we have with ourselves. If you only write one letter after reading this post, I hope it is a letter to yourself. Whether it be to remind your future self of somethings you have realized recently or to simply understand all that you are feeling now, I personally have found writing to be one of the most transformative activities in my life.

I guess my dream is to one day fall madly in love with someone who will verbally, physically, emotionally, and wholeheartedly love me. But there is a little part of me that hopes he too will express his love languistically. You know, in thoughtful, beautiful, soulful, letters. It seems that memories, emotions, and physical touch inevitably die once we do, but written letters, if well cared for, can be preserved far longer than we can be. During a time where we can’t physically and experientially connect, let us connect our souls with writing. Let us start or grow a friendship, partnership, mentorship, a relationship with yourself, or maybe even a romantic relationship by writing an honest, emotion filled, thoughtful, well written, and loving letter.

So if you seek connection like I do. Write to me. Maybe we are best friends or maybe we have never met. Regardless, I really believe writing could create something beautiful between us. So I am inviting you to respond to this invitation. You can let me know how you are doing. How you are feeling. You could ask me questions about my blog. My life. College. Ask me advice. You could express something you love about my blog, share something you have been holding back or offer me advice on how to improve it. This exercise could be helpful, fun, and exciting for you, but you should also know that reaching out to me, to talk about literally anything, would mean the world to me right now. I could really use the deep connection an exercise like this has the power to create. A friend of the soul.

You can respond or initiate this new and exciting relationship by connecting with me here. I am so excited to meet and get to know your soul!

Love Always,

Casey