Wingsuiting the Distance.
There is rarely a perfect time to do anything. There is only the moment we decide to take the risk, the moment we act like we deserve the thing we want, and the moment we realize that not trying would hurt more than failing.
-Dr. Sara Kuburic
Haven’t you heard this big, beautiful, wild, world is your Oyster? That pearls come from sand being pushed together so tightly and in your arms this past September, I felt like a pearl. A prize, something we wear with pride, a beautiful first for me. I jump, fall fast, and sometimes hit the ground running. I thrive in chaos and love the speed of it all - especially riding shotgun next to you as you drive through traffic - slowly, calmly, there is no rush. It’s little things I grieve, your hand holding my ankle under the table next to all of our friends, our eye contact, the roses.
There is no perfect time for anything. I am no longer concerned with the attention and spotlight that comes from failing. I am more so obsessed with the intimate conversations I have with myself in the wee hours of the night asking; why didn’t I try?
I just have to jump. Then we are skydiving. Between oceans and on different continents. I have this feeling that as my stomach drops and our ability to control anything vanishes, that I'll get a whiff of your cologne on the way back down to reality and circumstances.
My 7th grade physics teacher, Mr. Keiser and John Mayer confirmed everything which goes up must come down. Gravity - Live at the Nokia Theatre, Los Angeles, CA - December 2007. So I fell from the sky, twisted my shoulder, bruised my ego, and thought of you the entire descent. Big deal, a little heartbreak never killed anyone, right? And your parachute gave out but there’s always a back up and remember honey, some people don’t ever get on the plane.
And I know we both have cold feet but the cold water doesn’t get warmer if we jump later, so hold my hand and I bet this is easier if we jump together. You can drive to the airport and I'll wear my pearls. Maybe this will be the first time we both land feetfirst. God has a way of making my delusions come true.
And if we don’t survive the jump - oh shucks! I’d rather have lived trying together, than have a line on my eulogy state that I suffocated in this bubble, full of regrets for never having booked the flight.
Love Always,
Casey
