Te extraño
For the child you are at heart,
Who still believes in magic.
-Victoria Hutchins
You don’t have to be good. You are loved. Tu envuelves a cualquiera con tu bonita energia y vibra. What if you do nothing? What then? When I pray, God shows up in Mary Oliver form and reminds me that only if there are angels in my head will I ever, possibly, see one. Together, we can build a castle out of bed sheets and we'll wake up so early it’ll still be dark out. You’ll ask me what I desire most in this life and since I haven’t yet put my armor on for the day, I'll tell you. And you have never seen me in jeans but I think you know I dream often about the future. Marvel at pregnant women I pass on the street, always wanting to ask them every question on the topic - tell them how they are glowing, knowing full well they probably feel depleted and that their back kills. My parent’s unwavering love for us made me know that bringing life into this world, raising children, teaching them to be passionate, curious people who have the courage to be who they are - comes in first place next to everything.
I heard someone recently say there are more DJs than dancers, meaning there are more people that want to be the show than feel the rhythm and let themselves dance. You make me want to dance. Me sentí lo suficientemente segura a tu lado como para bailar. I want to dance in an old home, one with cracks, nooks and crannies. Places where the children can hide candy and eventually booze. A home, Hogar. Where hermit crabs get lost and children relajear. I want a round dining room table so nobody is ever on the end and people get closer when adding a chair. There is no head of the table because it’s never about who’s paying the bill and because it’s better to never meet your heroes. Because as I walked next to you, I was reminded, yet again, we really are all the same.
Why are we not teaching, dissecting, discerning, speaking and caring more about love, intimacy, and connection? People need this! (We need this.) I need this. Dating is no easy feat. Where is the manual? What book can I read or a podcast I can listen to do this right? Or even if it is not going to go perfectly, something that helps me think about building a fruitful relationship in the right way? Who are exemplary people I can look to for guidance amidst the 90 day Fiancé and love island that are on the TV in our apartment? Society measures the wrong things! Cool you know how to use ARGUS, have swag, can fly a plane, were in Usher’s music video and can bench 92094 pounds but what about holding someone when they are in despair because one day my parents are going to die and I am going to need you. Where are the dating apps that measure kindness, generosity, character, and passion? I love that you have a great job, work at a prestigious company, are 7 feet tall and are on track to make partner in a mere 22 years, but my children, our children will need a father. Will that be your priority? And I love NYC for my 20s but I don’t know if I am built to raise teenagers in this place. Will you move with me? And when is the right way and time to ask these bigger questions? Camino 2028?
Anyway this is all to say, I really loved meeting you on the Camino, shall we go dancing soon? I am over being a DJ.
Con todo mi amor,
Casey
