Walking on Clouds in 2022
If you saw me at the beach, a fitting name to call me may be a “walking cloud”. My skin is very fair, but at the beach I usually resemble a nice piece of…chalk. I know right! How attractive is that? But you see during the summer months, at the beach, where the sun is oh so strong, I quite literally take on a protective shield called zinc.
I have always been in awe of those who have olive skin that just perfectly tans in the presence of the sun. In fact, if you look at my siblings' skin during the mid or later months of the summer, their skin is so beautiful and naturally tan. If you ever see us all together it looks like they both have been living on a virgin island and I look like I am a descendant of Robert Frost.
We live in a world of overwhelming abundance, and yet I have often struggled with not feeling like I have or am enough. So naturally, or maybe a better word would be unnaturally, when I came across the concept of self-tan around 8th grade I bought three bottles of what could probably best be understood as orange spray paint and ran back to my house to paint my body and become someone I thought would be seen as beautiful.
Well let me tell you, people not only saw me that next day at school, they could not miss me. I remember being in science class and my teacher making some carrot jokes, it was truly that bad. Even though I remember being a bit embarrassed, I remember appreciating the fact that I could make others laugh and had fun being a carrot for the following 4-7 days. The discoloration of my skin was bad enough that I couldn’t hide it at all, so I owned it. Without having much choice, I chose to courageously communicate to others that I was sometimes insecure in my own skin, without actually having to say it.
Weirdly, I think this may be the first time I can recall imperfection and failure actually making me feel more connected to those around me. As we look outside of ourselves for solutions to feel worthy and enough, what we may reach for may be different, but the insecurity that makes us reach is oftentimes what we share in all being imperfectly human.
This story about my horrible, and I should add, recurring failures with self-tan now make me laugh. This one and the others that I can recall are funny, cute and quite innocent stories. However, they hold a much greater understanding for me about authentically embracing who I am and being her versus trying to cover up and protect myself as I go out to face the world. I have found adding this layer of self-tan or whatever else I may choose to cover and hide my imperfections and true self from the world, in many ways only serve as barriers for me to feel the authenticity of life that I crave.
My favorite documentary, The Biggest Little Farm, shows how diversity and health between organisms on the farm actually work in harmony and help their neighboring organisms to grow, bloom, survive, live and flourish. I recognize for myself, in the last year those who have been the most influential, beautiful, encouraging, and inspiring for me have been people who more than anything else, are committed to showing up courageously, bravely, and authentically in all that they do. And just as a thriving Carrot on the farm only helps the neighboring Beets, Bees, and Bunnies grow to their fullest potential, I believe that exfoliating away my protective layers and showing up as authentically as I can, will not only help me experience life in all its exuberance and vibrancy but may help my neighboring Beets, Bees, and Bunnies let go of their chosen layers of protection too.
Margery Williams said it best in her children's book, The Velveteen Rabbit, When she wrote: “Once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to the people who don’t understand.”
I wish you all the most wonderful, joyful, and authentic 2022! I hope you choose to live courageously, kiss abundantly, create bravely, and love more!
Love Always,
Casey
