Check This Box if You're a Good Friend

“The gross national product [the measure of our nation’s wealth] does not include the beauty of our poetry or the strength of our marriages, the intelligence of our public debate or the integrity of our public officials. It allows neither for justice in our courts, nor for the justice of our dealings with others. The gross national product measures neither our wit nor our courage, neither our wisdom nor our learning, neither our compassion nor our devotion to our country. It measures everything, in short, except that which makes our life truly worthwhile.”

-Robert F. Kennedy remarks at the University of Kansas March 18, 1968

When I was applying to college there was an article that came out in the New York Times titled Check This Box if You’re a Good Person. It is an outstanding article about how we sometimes get so caught up in trying to prove and communicate to others that we are good that we get lost in what it means to truly embody goodness. 

Over the past couple of weeks, I have noticed this goodness specifically in some of my friends. These individuals have shown up for me when they could tell I needed help, one missed a part of the Beanpot to console my heavy heart and racing mind, and another insisted on buying me ice cream even after I attempted to deny their generous gesture multiple times (they know me so well). These individuals dropped off food and flowers at my door when I was in quarantine with covid. They checked in on me everyday, face-timed me in quarantine, whipped my tears when I was crying myself to sleep, shared their glucose tabs when my blood sugar was low, sat with me in the discomfort and stayed in with me instead of going out because they knew that night I needed a friend. These individuals stayed on the phone with me for hours talking through my hard day, went out of their way to give me an invitation to join them for an event on the weekend, helped me sort out a deadline I missed, went above and beyond on Valentine’s day to drop chocolate off at my door. These exceptional friends of mine stayed with me when my car broke down, they gave me hugs when I was hurting too much to ask, cleared their schedule to listen to my worries, fears, and throbbing heart. And while introducing me to a new person, intentionally referred to me as their best friend. 

I am blessed and grateful to be connected, to some degree, with many top tier individuals. If you are looking to find someone with a 4.0, a wealthy father, an unreal body, a sick internship, or someone who has any other checkable box checked, I probably can connect you.

But if you are looking for someone to sit with you and hold you on your worst days. Those who have seen you heartbroken, sick, lethargic, bruised, tired, overwhelmed, stressed, cranky, frustrated, sad, anxious and still choose to love you, I know those people as well. I know the people who make being real, being flawed, and being human feel “truly worthwhile”. I often wonder how I got so lucky as to know these people, who radiate such goodness, so deeply and truly, but I did. So rather than pondering how I won the friendship lottery, I would rather choose to share my gratitude for them, in a way that hopefully portrays more than the checking of a box.

These individuals that I am writing about did a variety of things and to all different degrees. But what they all did in common was make me feel special, safe, cared for, thought of, supported, and loved. In the process of being a genuine friend to me, many of them forgot to check their boxes. They were too busy being good, generous, thoughtful, helpful, supportive, loving people to check their own box that lets others know they are a good friend.

So instead of checking their box for them, I wanted to share, what a check has the inability to communicate. A check can measure everything in short, except that which makes our lives truly worthwhile. 

Love Always,

Casey