Maybe this is how it all begins.
I know how to use matches now, so lighting candles feels very “adult”. Should I wait an hour to respond to this guy, or will letting him know I am this excited to see him again result in a divorce? Don’t give away your power, seem mysterious, play it cool. What if I don’t want the power, am a raging open book, and since when is being excited about something not the coolest thing ever? Remember when you got your digital camera for Christmas, how you couldn't fall asleep because you were so excited to wear your first day of school outfit, or when you got out of the hospital after being diagnosed with diabetes and you got to pick out that pink princess balloon. Those were the best days.
Loose ties are a greater currency in my 20s than I anticipated, but I still love watching men help other men tie their ties. I am 25 and sleep with an elephant stuffed animal now. I used to not need one because I always had family close by but since moving to New York I have had to grow up. Dating feels like a full time job sometimes, but it's better than being in one of those relationships, you know the ones. On the left side of the door frame in our Greenwich Village apartment hangs a list titled: men to keep track of, it is my favorite piece of artwork in the whole apartment, because it holds all the stories of our failed attempts at love. I keep reminding myself this is the good stuff, I believe it too, but sometimes this is hard. Why do you keep your toothbrush in the living room? Well, none of the outlets work in the bathroom, but don’t you just adore the legs on our tub! This is so you. So us. “Casey, you would love this guy's ears.”
Siggi’s, brie, cold brew, tequila, peanut butter, sourdough and good culture. Is it okay to stay in and read, or is my husband out tonight looking for me at Bayards? What screams adult? Buying Molton Brown soap, making out on leather couches, delegating tasks, running marathons. Not dipping dates in olive oil, wearing country dresses with cowgirl boots, and drinking out of plastic wine glasses because we broke too many of the glass ones. Why is everyone trying to have the most serious job and do you ever just miss wearing princess underwear that covers your whole entire butt? God, the things I would do to have a Ziplock bag sandwich with a heart on it and race to the carpet after snack to sit next to my crush.
Underneath the suit, the job title, the booked up calendar, and even the bonus, there is a little curious child. One that wonders about how bugs fly, fascinated by how plants grow, and who is obsessed with baseball. He spends time coloring and laughs from his belly. Maybe we are not old enough yet to believe in fairytales again. I am just going to tell him I'm excited, maybe he’ll find it refreshing. Maybe this is how it all begins.
Love Always,
Casey
