I am my Retainer
“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.” -Benjamin Franklin
I had a total of thirteen college essays written and polished before choosing which one I would choose for my single common application essay. I had so many ideas. So many things I wanted to share and talk about. It is harder than it seems. To sum up who you are, what you have learned, and your strengths all the while not trying to sound like you are totally full of yourself and trying to articulate it in a creative and unique way. It is definitely a challenging thing to do. Regarless, I LOVED it. I would voice record myself on my way to school just talking out loud about all these different ideas for my potential college essays. “Cars have faces. What if they also had personalities? What would my car say about me?” or “It would be kind of funny to create a college essay around how sometimes I wear two different shoes to school.” Just to be clear, I left the house every morning in my blue Asics that I would wear for practice after school. However, we weren’t allowed to wear blue shoes to school, we had a strict uniform, so instead I would have to change into my uncomfortable and unsupportive black sneakers or my boat shoes. I would usually do this as I sat in traffic waiting for the light to change. Sometimes the light would change, and I would only switch one shoe and then forget…until of course my feet felt different or someone pointed out that my non matching shoes were also a violation of the dress code (even though that was not necessarily stated)… I wonder why??
Anyway, I had a lot of very unique essay’s and even more “creative” ideas, for example the college essay I wrote about being a teen mother, I published on this blog a couple months ago. It is funny, my love for writing college essays and sharing them in class and with friends & family, was the inspiration behind starting this blog!
Here is one of my all time favorite pieces. A very simple, heartfelt, and most definitely unique way to portray myself. This was “runner up” for my common app college essay that was submitted to every school that I applied. I hope you enjoy!
Believe it or not, I am my retainer. And just like my retainer, I am searching for my own home.
But let’s back up. Let me explain.
When I was a child, having two homes and two sets of parents was simply my reality. In many ways, I thought it was the best thing ever, especially around Christmas. Oh how wonderful it was to wake up on the 25th of December and see that Santa had come. Then, that night, my siblings and I would fall asleep in our other beds and we would wake up on the 26th to a whole other room filled with gifts from the big guy himself. We had no idea how or why, but Santa would visit us twice each year. And this was just the beginning of it all. I would have two sets of holidays and two sets of experiences.
In many ways I was my own twin; one set of “me” at Mom’s and one set of “me” at Dad’s. As the years progressed I no longer had to transport my clothing from my Mom’s house to my Dad’s. I finally collected enough clothes to simply have two different wardrobes at each home. And I wouldn’t say that I had two different style wardrobes, but I definitely had more of my professional and fancy clothing at my Dad's house, and more of my comfortable athletic clothing at my Mom’s. As I grew, I began to prefer different houses for different needs. For example, when I needed to focus, study, or be reminded of my responsibilities I would go to my Dad’s house. But when I needed a pat on the back, someone to give me advice, or a place to be my silly self, I would go to my Mom’s. At both houses the clothes that I wear would fit me and they’d reflect the environment that I was in at a particular moment in time. At Dad’s I am my more serious, responsible, and productive self; at my mom’s I am more comfortable, bubbly, and open.
And this gets me back to the beginning. Just as I cannot split myself in half to live in two different households, I have also never been able to find a permanent place for my single, one-and-only retainer. I keep my retainer in my backpack, and as I shuffle from destination to destination, my retainer bounces off of my two different key sets, and all my diabetes supplies.
When I got my braces off, they asked me what color I wanted my retainer to be. Naturally, I wanted it to be bright pink and glow-in-the-dark. Although I probably wasn’t conscious of the choice at the time, it turns out that this choice reflects the part of my personality that derives from my mother. She is pink, bright, flashy and vibrant. But obviously the purpose of my retainer is to keep my teeth straight, similar to how my Dad keeps me on the right course.
I am my retainer, and just like my retainer, I am searching for my own home. One home. A place where I can find a mix of both my Mom and Dad. A place that instills academic responsibility but also values who I am as a person. My whole life I have been taught by my parents, and I have grown immensely: both of them have formed me into the person I am today. Thanks to the their physical homes coupled with their ever-present love, I know parts of myself. However, I have never had both parts of myself together, it has always been one version of myself or the other. But I am ready to glue these parts together and be a complete. I am ready to be one not two. I’m ready to find my whole self that has a mix of both of my parents. And most of all, I am ready to have more space in my backpack, once my retainer finds its permanent home.
It makes my day whenever my readers reach out to me either in person or online! As always, please feel free to share any questions, comments, thoughts, or love you may have! And to all you seniors applying to colleges and writing these essays, don't be afraid to think out of the box and take risks. For me, it paid off in more ways than one!
Love Always,
Casey
