Becoming Real
“Once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to the people who don't understand”. -Margery Williams Blanco, The Velveteen Rabbit.
When I started the college process, my college counselors emphasized interviews. We would do test interviews and I had a list of questions that I was prepared to answer if I were asked. One of the hardest questions I prepared for was “what is your favorite book”. Well, I want to sound intelligent so I should talk about a book that is prestigious and impressive, I thought to myself. However, the truth is, my favorite book is a children's book. It is a very prestigious and if you ask me, a quite complex children's book, but it is still a children's book.
My favorite book is The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams Blanco. And it is my favorite book because it talks about being Real, vulnerability, appreciation and love. Although it is just a children's book, in many ways it simplifies the adult messages in a way that can get the point across to everyone. “Once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to the people who don't understand”. What does that even mean? was probably my first reaction to this quote. But, as I read the story more and more, it gained a greater meaning for me. It has since become my favorite quote in the entire book. I also really love the one that says “Real isn’t the way you are made,’ said the skin horse. `It is something that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long long time, not just to play with but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.” What I take away from this quote is, you cannot just be made “Real” you become. Sometimes the process is not always pretty, or easy, but in the end, there is truly nothing better.
I started at Ursuline as one of three new girls knowing only one other girl in the entire school. I was no Velveteen Rabbit, instead, I was more of a delicate and easily breakable toy. You know, the ones that are suppose to be kept on high shelves because they are not very sturdy, yeah that was me. One little ounce of feeling that I was not liked would shatter my porcelain walls into 1,000 pieces. However, I was blessed, thanks to my family and the foundation from which I was built, to have been made with a material that is easily glued back together. I definitely had my fair share of breaks, drops, bruises, and mistakes. Whether it was not being invited to a sweet 16, being in a class of juniors where I was the only sophomore, or simply not knowing what the parable of the mustard seed was when all the other girls in my theology class did. However, slowly but surely the porcelain foundation from which I had been built started to soften up, it became soft, fuzzy, and once in a while my exterior would rip open and my stuffing would come out, but hey, I would take that over my porcelain walls shattering any day.
So I completed my first year, and although it was challenging in many ways, it changed me for the better. I learned a few things that I was good at and even more that I struggled with but I was undoubtedly stronger and more Real by the end of sophomore year.
Junior year is when I started to feel it. I started to feel love. On one fall day I got a text from one of my friends on the cross country team. We were pretty close friends but I wasn’t expecting this type of text. It was sent as an attachment and I was in my car just about to get out to go inside to have dinner. I turned down my country music and I started to read this essay she had sent me.
“I remember the dreadful first day of cross country practice last season when I was struggling to run even the one and a half mile loop. The summer heat was beating down upon me as my feet tapped along the pavement. I was panting down Wampatuck Street, almost at Ursuline, when I hear a cheerful voice coming from behind me as I try to put my head down and keep to myself. I had thus far been a solo runner and never understood how others could carry a conversation on a run. We introduce ourselves and I make polite small talk out of obligation, not entirely interested in sharing about myself. As I was listening to my new teammates concerns with starting a new school, I was confused as to how she could trust me so much. I would never have had the courage to start a conversation with a complete stranger so I admired how open and honest she was seconds after she had met me. She practically told me her entire life story after one week. Soon we began to go on longer runs together, talking so much that we barely noticed the time and our exhaustion. We talked about everything under the sun that season from food to boys to her slight internet fame.”
Tears streamed down my face. This essay was about me? I asked myself confusingly. You see, this girl was my first friend and for a couple weeks probably one of my only friends. I owe her so much for just being nice to me and laughing at my jokes. Actually, she was the only Ursuline girl that ever saw my Vine. Oh yeah, I may have forgotten to mention that I was Vine famous..until it got deleted. A whole 11 revines on one of my Vines...email me if you want an autograph. Anyway, I couldn’t believe what I was reading. She was the first Ursuline girl I was real, unfiltered, and vulnerable with and she liked me so much to write an essay? I was floored.
“She was unapologetically herself, something I had struggled to be for the longest time. She was fearless when she talked in her hilarious Australian accent and was unembarrassed by anything she did. I had never opened up to anyone as much as I did to her, especially so soon. I always considered myself a shy person until you got to know me, and by that I mean at least a year. I was afraid of showing a certain side of me because I thought everyone would think I was "weird", but she couldn't care less about what others thought.”
Wow, I am literally tearing up just pasting these words in. Also, as much as I would love to say “I couldn’t care less about what others thought”, I actually cried in the bathroom for a good hour on one of the first days of school because we had a dress down day and I came in my decked out uniform...at least we can laugh about it now but that was not an easy day.
However, as I mentioned above, this is when I first started to feel it. Junior year I started to feel loved.
Just like the Velveteen Rabbit, at Ursuline, I became Real. I found a place that loved me despite my messy hair, a half faded spray tan, or puffy morning eyes. People loved me for my laugh, my philosophical questions in theology, my rabbit stories, and my love for Ursuline. I loved the girls for their intelligence, compassion, courage, willingness to help, supportiveness, athleticism, and so so much more.
That love carried over into senior year as well. I felt the realness and the love of our class really blossom during our final year at the Academy. We were now the seniors. We were now the oldest girls in the school. We got senior nights, senior privileges, and all of us caught a little taste of senioritis.
Sophomore year I was an easily breakable porcelain rabbit, then junior year I became a stuffed animal sort of rabbit, but senior year, that is when I became a real live rabbit.
Although for me it wasn’t because of one young boy. It was from everyone in my community. From my best friends who I sat with at lunch, to the wonderful girl I sat next to in homeroom all 3 years, to the guidance counselors, to my beloved teachers, to the school nurse, to all the girls on my sports teams, to student government, all the way back to the new 7th graders who will be here in the coming fall, because of everyone at Ursuline, I became Real. And as it is said in The Velveteen Rabbit, “Once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.” -Margery Williams Blanco, The Velveteen Rabbit.
It is unfortunate, but all good things must come to an end. So towards the end or senior year and after much thought, I narrowed down my options for a senior quote. The quote I decided on was “Once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to the people who don't understand”. -Margery Williams Blanco, The Velveteen Rabbit. The meaning behind this whole quote is what I have spoken about throughout this essay. A reminder to myself and everyone else that being Real and authentic is beautiful, and in the eyes of the people who understand that you will always be seen as beautiful.
So to the girls at Ursuline Academy, who I dedicate this post to, Thank you. Thank you for being my sisters. Thank you for letting me serve as your Student Body President. Thank you for teaching me, laughing with me, studying with me, dancing with me, and crying with me. You all know how emotional I get saying goodbye. I can’t wait to see you all soon! I can’t wait to hear about all you’ve accomplished, all the good you are doing, all the people you are helping, and all the experiences that you’ve had. You have all touched my life in so many ways. I love that I have become me, after being so loved by you. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart. I love you all so incredibly much!
Love Always,
Casey
